Certified analysis of single-unit confectionery ejection. Every event is official. Exactly one has never once come out.
The Tic Tac Ejection Authority exists to subject household mint dispensers to controlled shaking and certify the resulting Unit Isolation state using instruments only the Authority can see.
Every ejection generates its own Event Number, its own Units Ejected count, Deviation Index, Trajectory Vector, and Containment Breach Assessment, and its own permanent entry in the dispenser's declining Precision Confidence history.
Each event measures Units Ejected, Deviation Index, Trajectory Vector, and Containment Breach Assessment, regardless of how the dispenser was actually shaken, how many mints it actually contains, or whether exactly one mint has ever been successfully isolated by anyone, anywhere.
All readings are generated within tolerances the Authority considers scientifically unimpeachable. There is no isolation chamber. There is no Authority.
Every dispenser begins at full confidence. Every ejection lowers it. This is not measurement error. This is the entire measurement.
Confidence has never gone back up during a single recorded session, and the Authority does not fund research into why.
Dispensers may be retested by shaking again. The Authority will apply exactly the same rigor to the retest as to the original event, which is to say, none.
The Tic Tac Ejection Authority is provided for entertainment purposes only. No mints were harmed, dispensed with precision, or meaningfully isolated in the making of any certificate.